Saturday, December 27, 2008

Moments.


Ever thought of what missing your moment would mean?
Let’s say there is this couple who has been dating for quite some time now; three, maybe for years. The guy finally asks her to marry him, she naturally says “yes” and they start planning the wedding and everything. But suddenly BANG! This other guy comes into her life and everything changes. It all starts out pretty nasty. She doesn’t even like him. But than after all the “action” her feelings change. She doesn’t know what to do, she is lost. She has a fiancĂ©, but she starts having second thoughts about the “happily ever after” part. And than at the end she gets her fairy tale ending with the guy she bumped into and had known for 3 weeks, saying goodbye to the person she got engaged to previously and who had been by her side for years now.
Yeah, all so sweet and lovely. But what about the other guy, the “fiancĂ©” guy? Had he proposed sooner, the two of them had lived happily ever after? So did they miss their moment?

Do we ever get back that moment? I mean, yeah, of course, you can never get back that moment, but do we ever get another moment? Or do we just move on and try to find new moments? Is it worth fighting for it or should we just leave it and give up? When do we know what is the right version? Do we ever?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Perfect day


…I woke up to my mom’s noise-making at around 10 o’clock today. She was standing next to my bed telling me how it would really be time for me to wake up and that she cannot stand how relaxed I can be even though the house is practically a mess.
These are our usual Christmas preparations at home. Of course everything is done in time, and of course I take my share in the work (I clean, I bake, I shop etc.). But in spite of all this, my mom is stressed out before every single Christmas, so I guess I could say I’m already used to it!
So anyway… I got up, cleaned my room, done some of the packing of the presents and than at around 3 I went to do some last minute shopping, because I had to meet a friend of mine at 4.
I usually go by foot and I don’t take the bus too often. It is funny actually, because I think that since I came home from America in July I only traveled by bus about 10-15 times…
So I went and bought a few things I already homed in on and afterwards I went to meet up with my friend. We were about to go to one of our common friend’s surprise birthday party and we wanted to get her a scarf as our present, because we new she is crazy about scarves. So anyway, long story short: it was awesome to meet up with a few of my old high school friends…I felt like MYSELF again. I know it is strange to say something like this, because this would assume, that I am not the person I used to be anymore. However, that is definitely not the case.
The truth is that many things happen throughout a year, especially if that year is spent in another country; what’s more, on another continent. I changed a lot; that year in America made me grow as a person, I think. That whole experience really made a difference in my life. A positive one! Still tonight was a total flashback. And it made me happy…
When we said goodbye and went out of the house there was this beautiful surprise waiting for us: it was snowing!!! I mean, yeah, in Romania it snows a lot, it is not like we live in Hawaii. But surprisingly in my city there have been rare hot days the past few weeks. Even today (two days before Christmas) the sun was beautifully shining and there were some 5-6 degrees. Everyone was really praying for snow and than there it was…

As I was walking home I finally felt for the first time in my life, I think, that this is where I belong! I did not feel the urge to be somewhere else as I always do. It was great. Moreover, I was happy! And is there something else more important than that? I just could not stop smiling and I kept on looking up to the sky to witness the little snowflakes falling down from heaven. And I smiled, smiled…smiled.

I really don’t think that there is anything more beautiful that a person smiling for real…You can wear tons of makeup and you can be dressed in Gucci from head to toe; if your soul is empty what is it really worth? Smiling is the sing of contentment, the sing of approval, the sing of people’s ultimate goal: happiness.

I always tell this my best friend: a guy can have the most beautiful eyes in the whole wide world, but only when he opens his mouth you realize that his canine tooth is missing and the one next to that is as black as hell; plus when he starts laughing this terrible rumbling comes out. That is what you do NOT want to look at, and hear for the rest of your life!!! So my point is, I think it is really important how a guy smiles/laughs. It really suggests a lot about his personality, about who he really is, what things he likes and what he finds joy in… So "the smile" is deffinitely the number one on my list...:)

Deviating a little bit from this, I realized what I would love to do this Christmas (or this winter, anyway).
Everybody is talking about dancing in the rain with someone special…Well, I would like to dance in the snow with no music at all. Just letting the snowflakes fondle our cheeks…Yes, that is what I would like to have this winter…I’ll just have to deal with some minor details: I’ll have to find someone special and I’ll have to find that person when it is snowing…Easy to do in no time, right? =))

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dreams...


…which can make your day and make you cry in the same time. Have you ever had that?

(This is again a post that is not “instant”…it all happened the other week, but I just can’t let it on a simple sheet of paper)

I woke up a minute ago, but I cannot start my day without putting the following on paper, because I definitely don’t want to forget it!
My grandfather went to heaven almost three months ago. He left us here to take care of each other and he went to live with the angels for a change. I might not have put it the right way…It kind of sounds like I’m angry with him for leaving us, but that is definitely not the case. I know that we must all go at a certain time and I guess I’m all right with that thought (or at least theoretically), but is there a right time to leave? I don’t think so…
Last night was the first night -since he went away-, that I dreamed with him. It was strange because in my dream I knew that the fact that he was standing right in front of me was absurd. It could not be real, and I was aware of that. So I reached out to try and touch him, to see whether my hands would go right through his body or not.
My hands were stopped by a solid flash and did not go through as it would have happened in the case of a spirit, ghost or vision. So, although on one hand I knew that he could not be real, still on the other hand an enormous amount of happiness stroke me. It was really intense… I hugged him with all my power! We stood like that for a few seconds, than I looked at him, at his face again, and I burst out in tears… So he hugged me really tight.
Every day I feel like he is still with me. It is almost as if I cannot let him go…But the truth is letting go is not necessarily trying to erase him from the surface. Sometimes it is all right to have someone not only in our hearts but sometimes even in our thoughts too…
It was so amazing…My dream! He looked so nice…and well…and healthy. It was unbelievable. And what was really weird was, that I knew it could not be HIM. But when we hugged I somehow forgot all about the “reality or imagination” issue. I excluded everything else and I just enjoyed the rare opportunity (possibly the only one I ever got).
He had never appeared in my dreams before. My mother however, dreamed with him three or four times already…My grandma never…
I told my mom that he went to see her, because probably he thought she was the most in need of that… So that leaves me wondering…why did he come to me this time?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Signs...


I wrote this a couple of days ago, I somehow forgot to post it on my blog, so here it is now...


God’s ways are unpredictable, the Bible says. And I do believe that there is someone, who has control of everything. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, which is perfectly justified, even though we might not realize that at first.
So needless to say, I also believe in signs…When I’m in the deepest s**t I always find the answers around me, no matter how small the problem is.

Waiting is one of the things I hate to do, and am not good at doing it. Well of course it also depends on the situation, but usually this is the case… So as I’m sitting here a little bit angry but sad in the same time, because something I’d like to happen is not happening – and I know I could do something about it, but there is a high possibility that it would ruin everything— I hear a song… I like The Beatles a lot, and I saw a musical about six months ago which has as its soundtrack many of this band’s greatest songs. I listen to this “new version” A LOT!

Let it be is a very famous song now, isn’t it? So there is this lovely song which is sooooo popular that we don’t even really pay attention to the lyrics anymore as we sing it. But as I started singing it along with the M. player I suddenly realized what I was humming: “Let it be, let it be, let it be, THERE WILL BE AN ANSWER, let it be…; I wake up to the sound of music.”

I know it might sound silly that something as little as this, and probably meaningless to many of you can actually calm me down and bring me down to Earth again, but it can. I get signs all the time. I think we all do. It is just that we have to be careful to identify them in the right time. Answers are right beside us!
I’m not saying I won’t be anxious anymore about this issue I have, it is just that I know that the right thing is to wait, and not do what I was about to do, because that would have been a mistake. And another sign (another answer that is) will come at the right moment…