Wednesday, December 17, 2008


…which can make your day and make you cry in the same time. Have you ever had that?

(This is again a post that is not “instant”…it all happened the other week, but I just can’t let it on a simple sheet of paper)

I woke up a minute ago, but I cannot start my day without putting the following on paper, because I definitely don’t want to forget it!
My grandfather went to heaven almost three months ago. He left us here to take care of each other and he went to live with the angels for a change. I might not have put it the right way…It kind of sounds like I’m angry with him for leaving us, but that is definitely not the case. I know that we must all go at a certain time and I guess I’m all right with that thought (or at least theoretically), but is there a right time to leave? I don’t think so…
Last night was the first night -since he went away-, that I dreamed with him. It was strange because in my dream I knew that the fact that he was standing right in front of me was absurd. It could not be real, and I was aware of that. So I reached out to try and touch him, to see whether my hands would go right through his body or not.
My hands were stopped by a solid flash and did not go through as it would have happened in the case of a spirit, ghost or vision. So, although on one hand I knew that he could not be real, still on the other hand an enormous amount of happiness stroke me. It was really intense… I hugged him with all my power! We stood like that for a few seconds, than I looked at him, at his face again, and I burst out in tears… So he hugged me really tight.
Every day I feel like he is still with me. It is almost as if I cannot let him go…But the truth is letting go is not necessarily trying to erase him from the surface. Sometimes it is all right to have someone not only in our hearts but sometimes even in our thoughts too…
It was so amazing…My dream! He looked so nice…and well…and healthy. It was unbelievable. And what was really weird was, that I knew it could not be HIM. But when we hugged I somehow forgot all about the “reality or imagination” issue. I excluded everything else and I just enjoyed the rare opportunity (possibly the only one I ever got).
He had never appeared in my dreams before. My mother however, dreamed with him three or four times already…My grandma never…
I told my mom that he went to see her, because probably he thought she was the most in need of that… So that leaves me wondering…why did he come to me this time?

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