I arrived back a little less than a week ago, but my heart still wanders back time and time again. Taize is one of those places that grows close to your heart whether you want it or not, whether you're open or ready for it or you aren't, it still creeps into your veins.
I've been there many, many times, but I wasn't ready. Not this time. It is easier not to face our insecurities (or even securities for that matter). But I went, nonetheless. I went to meet a wonderful soul again, who came all the way from Kenya, there was no way I could run and hide from this magical encounter just because I am not brave to face other parts of my life. She is my friend, my sister and my inspiration...
Of all the times I've left this magical place, I always wondered how I could go away without leaving it behind; I wanted to take it with me, truly keep it in a capsule and take it out when I needed some positive energy.
I haven't found a way for that...until now.
I did not leave with a sad heart. Restless, sure. But not sad. Taize stirred up a whirlwind of emotions, forced me to face my heart again and showed me that there is always hope. However, I never really managed to bring the calm I encounter there automatically home with me, until now. But in fact, it is quite easy to keep a direction, when everything and everyone align the same intention, the way it happens in Taize. Why would we not be able to keep to this intention, just because it is more difficult?
When I arrived to Paris on Sunday (where my flight was from the next day) my first face to face encounter with a human being was a drunk homeless person in the metro station shouting "fuck you" repeatedly to my face because I didn't understand what he was telling me. I smiled. And realized that this is the world I like to live in. A world which poses challenges and hardships, a world which offers solutions and hopes, a world which makes me open my eyes and faces me with whatever is necessary to move forward. I love my life, regardless of the circumstance, and in order to be happy and keep my calm a protective bubble around me, where everything fits together is unnecessary.
I had a very inspiring encounter on the plane. The man I met told me a story when I asked his opinion about people's capability to step out of a decision they made in the name of doing good? He told me this.
"A very fast train is going on the tracks. Suddenly a cow appears across the tracks and in the fraction of a second he has to make a decision for the right action. Either he runs the cow over and kills it, or he pulls the break and risks crashing the whole train off of the tracks, having everyone die on it. So in the very last split second he decides to run the cow over, but the cow moved."
The cow moved and the train still hit it.
Hanging on to a decision we made long ago leads to missing the real point of our journey in life and keeps us from fulfilling the true purpose of our souls. Holding on to past decisions which no longer benefit the purpose and the intention we had when we brought it in the first place is holding us back from being happy and doing good.
(photo credit to my lovely friend,Sina, who saw through my poker face, and discovered my heart)
God is love.
I trust in that.