Sunday, November 22, 2015
Change is a funny thing...
Especially the one we feel is taking negative directions.
I think most of us, at some point in our life we've found ourselves in the situation when we seem not to recognize someone around us. We might have thought we knew that person. And perhaps we really did at one moment in time. Or perhaps they never fully revealed their true self to us. And then we feel disappointment and bitterness, because we feel we've been deceived.
This is especially sour in very long friendships or inter-familial relationships. Over long decades you interact with a person on a daily basis. And then you wake up one fine morning, and it turns out not to be such a fine day after all. In fact every day turns out to be so from that moment on.
In the beginning there's struggle. Difficulty to understand the reason behind this change. Then there's pain. A powerful new wound, cut deeper by each new nonsense that we fail to get. Then there is disappointment. When seeing the decay in a person's character, they loose so much dignity that it merely leaves you feeling sick to your stomach....and when you get through this roller coaster of feelings and everything in between, after your rage and confusion have subsided, and after your emptiness slowly regains its mass, you sit and wonder if there is anything you can do. Slowly you will realize that the best action is to distance your expectations of what that person used to be and accept the road their character went down on. Be merry and grateful that you've had the privilege to know the person you once looked up to, and stop expecting them to be as inspiring and have the same integrity they used to have. Our anger often puts a barrier to adopt such an attitude, but it is a process... and processes only require progress, they, by no means, require immediate success.
And above all, what we absolutely need to do is forgive. Forgive them for taking crooked decisions, forgive them for being unrecognizable, forgive them for not being able to cope with the anger that had somehow built up in them over the years, forgive them for not being able to control it and so forgive them for being weak.
Eventually forgive yourself for all the times you were unable to handle it gracefully and forgive yourself for some of the times you were unable to forgive.