Friday, February 5, 2016

Who are you?


I'm going to ask you one thing. Who. Are. You?
Who are you?

How would you define yourself to me, had I asked you that?
What would you respond to that sort of question? I can almost see you. Smiling or laughing awkwardly, responding with, what do you mean? Well, I simply  mean, who are you?

Let me try to answer that for you.
At one point in life I would have started describing how I looked, where I was from, what were the things I liked and so on... Later, in my early twenties I would have defined myself by the activity I was at that point occupied with, such as being a student or a volunteer, etc. And perhaps in the  beginning of my seeking journey I would have told you I was a ceramist.

Now, in this very moment, I can say only this. I am myself.

All my life (well, I say that as if I were 65), I have been searching for my passion, my purpose. A lived my days filled with curiosity, continuously seeking it. I clearly remember being a bit jealous on every friend, and cousin who had known from a very early age what they wanted to become when faced with this question. And rigourously stuck to that resolution. I admit. I was jealous. And to some extent I might have envied them.

I was a child with so many interests and hobbies. Also very many subdued ones, those that felt right, but for some unexplainable reason I repressed them in my heart. You know I came to understand that the only way things can change is if I am willing to believe that I am worthy of experiencing the great depths of life. If I am willing to accept that I am worthy of being blessed with phenomenal experiences. But even though these feelings were twisting up in the deepest of my soul, I could still not point myself into the right direction. The way to my heart was like a labyrinth, if not closed.

I have mentioned this before on this space, but perhaps the meaning of those words was not quite clear. So let me repeat it for you. Six years ago, I have found  the way to my heart. A process that did not come into being overnight. It was a process, a struggle, a difficult period when tension was almost tangible. I was impatient, rebellious, discontented and repulsive. When our world, and everything we thought we knew is shaken right down to the core we do everything in our power to fight back. Change does not come about seamlessly, it is not a peaceful manifesto, but comes about through a battle. A fight between the mind and the heart, the core essence of our being.

But when against all odds, after every small and big battle has been fought, both on the inside as well as on the outside, after sleepless nights and long walks in the broad daylight have passed, a peace overcomes every single cell of your being. This was the time I wrote those two sentences down, that you can read on the right hand-side, right bellow my introduction photo, when you open up this page.

Your presence matters. Your existence in this world is enough to prove that. But you don't have anything else to prove. To anyone.

I grew up with an overwhelming wish to make a change. I gathered knowledge in this sense and kept trying to look for ways to contribute to making this world a better place. You know what the conclusion was after all of this? I didn't stand a chance. It consumed me. It drained me. And it deepened my frustration in everything that I have found faulty with how the world functions.

So I stopped aiming at this. It was a process, and it still is a continuous progress, but I no longer wish to change the world. I am just being myself.  In everything I say, in everything I do and in everything that I am. If my identity was defined by the activity that brings so much joy to my everyday life, the activity that occupies most of my days, then I would not be where I am today. I am not a ceramist. Nor am I a jeweler. Or an artist. I am recognised through my work not because I am talented in any of these crafts, but because I am true in what I do. But if I had to leave my business behind, and would be called in another direction, I would not lose ground. Because it does not define me. What I do is not who I am. Being grounded in your truth is not bound to your external reality. Standing firmly on your inner ground is a very powerful inner reality, a timeless one, that is not rooted in the knowledge and wisdom you gathered throughout your life, nor does it stem from the belief you came to profess after your life experiences. It is an inner voice. This energy is not located in you, but moves through you. A flow, a realisation, an unexplainable will that takes you beyond that which you never thought possible.

Your journey is yours. And yours alone. No one can walk the same road.
If there's anything I wish for you, it is for you to be able to embrace that road. And believe that you are worthy of receiving and embracing the truth, that arises in you. Each and every human life has a purpose in the world. A purpose, that is always shown, but most of the time we are too distracted to recognise it. Sacrificing your own truth, by hiding away from the flow and direction that moves your energy is the greatest mistake you will ever make. And the only way to listen to it, and act upon it, is to look deep into your heart, shut your mind out completely and let the essence of your being manifest, let that energy carry you where you need to be.

The stronger you think you stand, the harder you will fall. The stronger you feel you stand, the higher you'll rise. But if you do fall, remember, you have not failed your journey. You've merely come to a crossroad, that will allow you to get back on that energy that carries you closer to fulfil the higher purpose of your existence.

2 comments:

  1. We are always in the process of changing. In your 20's, 30's, 40'...in every stage you look at the world from a different perspective. At least this is the conclusion I came to.
    Learning to be true to yourself is a work in progress, but always a fun journey.
    Who am I? I am me.

    Happy weekend!
    Patricia

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