Thursday, April 20, 2017

A wound that would not heal...



...yet.

This belongs to the posts I never intended to publish. The words that have not yet found closure. The feelings that are not able to let go and move on yet. Not yet. But soon. As soon as the mountains learn to move, and the streams begin to part.

The passing of time. Ageing. Crow's feet. And the wrinkles on my forehead. If I had the chance to start all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Because the person I am today, the courage I have gained, the confidence I've gathered and the freedom I embrace have arrived at the right time, due to the right challenges. Otherwise I would not be the person I am. I would not have made the discoveries I have. I would hardly be able to tackle life in the rhythm I do today, if it were not to everything I lived to this very moment in time.

Last year was the end of a chapter, and this one is the beginning of a new one.
What will it hold? Who knows? But I am ready today, for whatever I am ready today, knowing that tomorrow I will be ready to receive just a bit more. And that is the essence of life. More. A little more clarity. Every single morning we awake to a new day. To a bit of progress. To embracing the new hues that have been laid out  for us...Well, at least the shades we are able to recognize... The ones we are able to feel. To truly see. With eyes shut. In the darkness. Heart opened.

| photo credit Sanda Potor

Thursday, March 23, 2017

gratitude list #1



Revisiting the stories of my childhood.
True friendship.
Holding on to love.
Dogsaversary (that word should exist!).
Favorite soundtracks (on top of my list).
Just a little change at a time.
Unknown children's honest smiles in their baby carriages.
The sunrise.
Amazing parents.
The courage to say "I'm sorry".
Repetitive rhythms of the urban life.
Refuge to the serenity of rural existence.
Contrast.
The flexibility of my body.
Cruelty-free eating habits.
Jumping in spring puddles.
Spiritual guidance.
Seeing a new born lamb.
Cinnamon.
My rose quartz palm stone.
Sweetest memories.
The ability to remember.
Midnight thoughts.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Zsemiversary


So here we are again, after yet another year giving grace for existence. We might be a couple kilos heavier :)), but just as happy as the year before, celebrating life in all its skins and layers.
Her rough start turned into something truly wonderful and I am thankful for having her near.

Monday, March 20, 2017

a new cycle



I knew it then, but I see it clearer now than ever, that 2016 was about understanding my life, my heart, my world and my soul more deeply. It was about growth. Growth that was faster and more painful than the pain of growing bones during childhood, more than the pain of loss, more than the hurt of the ego. And at the end of the year when I determined MY word for the year, I chose "butterfly".

A few months into the new year, I smile at the accuracy of that word, at the perfection of each piece of the puzzle, at the beauty of my unfolding story... 2017 is about commencement. It is about trusting the perfection of the unknown. It is about miracles in the making. A fresh start.

The dreams I see... The scents I am able to smell.. Even though there is no rational explanation for them... I can remember the last time this happened so clearly. It was six years ago, and I was jogging in a field of canola in the north east part of the U.K. Thought seized and feeling took its place. Feeling... most vulnerable. Feeling and acting before thinking is the most beautiful and most honest experience of the soul.

Fast forward to 2017.
It was precisely on the 8th of March. On international women's day.
I cried. And my heart longed to meet itself. To truly look into its inner the mirror and see its reflection for what it truly is. Have you ever missed yourself? Have you ever felt a deep longing to become who you truly are? Who you know yourself to be? Or who you never thought you were? And yet, you are...

This year is pivotal. I don't know what it holds. All I can feel with every fiber of my being is that it is entirely different. It is decisive. Like the tuning-fork. It sets the tone for the coming years. And even though I have never sang this song before, I seem to know the melody deep within. The notes... the notes will reveal themselves. In perfect time. I trust my soul's spontaneity, its receptivity and the tiny voice within.

Do you?

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

two questions

Over the years I have been working on becoming more of a morning person, and for the most part I love it a lot, but when it comes to getting something done I am most effective from 7pm to midnight. It is just how I am wired, I suppose. If for some reason I need to finish something important before noon I transform into my schoolgirl self having to deal with her math homework. Back when that dreadful thing was a must, I would drive my mother out of her mind, while I desperately fought to find even the most remote of activities (because clearing out the closet was exceptionally important), just so that I would postpone (and prolong, I might add) the torture of numbers.


I was working late the other night on an urgent project.
Focused and exceptionally productive.
I usually like to have monotone background noise, which makes for a nice rhythm to paint to and helps me stay present. Youtube is convenient and I usually just set some podcasts on shuffle.
At one point I became aware of the subject, like I was woken up from a repetitive dream all of a sudden. It was a ted talk of a young woman, called Kalina Silverman, who had filmed people while they were answering some of her questions. I definitely recommend it.

Whenever I find myself at crossroads and don't know the way forward, I do nothing. Well, I do something, but it does not require any action at all. I learned to grant myself time and patience. Patience.
It has not come naturally when I was younger (holler if that sounds familiar!) , but the more life I get to live, the more I value my time, and so I see the importance of taking a conscious step back from the "line of fire" and breathe. Surrender...
I've been feeling the urge to de-clutter and clean. Spring clean. Deep clean. Simplify.
Not so much my outer environment, more so my inner world.
In times when I manage to thoroughly line up with a decision, however I proceed it becomes a success. But the challenging part is arriving at that firm, unshakable decision. That is truly the tough part.

Kalina asks two exceptional questions in her project to open up truly meaningful conversations.
What do you want to do before you die? and What if you found out you would die tomorrow?

I had put down the paint brush.
I closed my eyes. And I could feel silent tears sqeeze down my cheeks. Not sad tears. Grateful tears. Because at that very moment in time, no silence would have been as powerful as that second question. And while the answer to that question might not constitute the building blocks of a decision concretely, it sure points out a powerful direction in my life.

Only a handful of things matter in the end.
I have two I'd like to do on my last day here.
What about you? What would you do, if you found out that you were about to die and you had one, ONE last day?

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Spring

Today...was one of those beautifully rare moments in time, when a scent took me far away, to times long past, to redream and redeem reveries I though I'd long forgotten.
Today... I heard that tune, that made my body shiver, my stomach contract to the rhythm oh so familiar and similar to the beating of my heart. That tune, that makes all those butterflies spread their wings in the very same time, causing an entire whirlwind in my soul making me forget for one fraction of a second how disciplined I am about redirecting my thoughts and energies. Forget. Forgive and start again.

Today is one of those rare days when Venus shines the brightest in who knows how long, and the sky is my witness to how much I love darkness and the night, the silent truth that comes once night has fallen, which sets my soul free of conscious restrictions, unnecessary taming...

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Sacred Geometry - hand illustrated porcelain jewelry


I probably say this with each new piece of jewelry I create, but it is true. These are definitely my current favorites. Especially this dangling two-piece stud-type design. They are light weight, despite being a statement piece and they have volume and movement, which makes them super fun to wear. Fun, in a dreamy and sexy kind of way.

These pieces are hand crafted of French-quality porcelain clay, covered in either sheer, black or cobalt glaze and hand illustrated with genuine gold in a liquefied form. Each piece is fired in a professional kiln three times between all of the phases above. 
The work process is just as intricate and awesome as the result, I assure you.

I also added a total of five new "Waves" ring designs to the shop, so go check those out too.
To see all of my earring designs visit the shop and let me know what you think.






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Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Life


My heart is filled to the brim, and yet words escape me. They have been avoiding me for the most part over these past months and I feel how their heaviness starts weighing down on me. Do you ever feel like something is building up around you (or within), some invisible creative energy that is about to burst into your life and into your reality, but it is not quite there. I imagine this is sort of what standing on the very edge of a cliff must feel like, as your heel is still pressed into the certainty of the hard rock, while your toes are already sensing the newness of the air in the rift bellow. Though eager with anticipation, the breeze is not yet strong enough to generate enough impetus for the leap...